I'm Still Here
by Georgi Pendragon
Summary: Arthur loves Gwen but she betrays him for Lancelot despite Merlin's warnings. But in the end, Merlin is always there for Arthur even when no one else is. Implied Arthur/Merlin Gwen/Lancelot
1. Something I didnt want to see

Haha, me again. =)

Unfortunately I dont own the characters, the BBC does. Even though, in my opinion, they're doing it wrong.

* * *

There was no way Merlin was ever going to get that image out of his mind. It had all been going so well and, even using all his magic, he would never have seen this coming.

True, he hadn't been overly happy when Arthur declared he was in love with Gwen, but he had accepted it. He was happy for them, understanding that he could never be what Arthur needed. Merlin had grown used to the idea that Arthur and Gwen were going to be together for the rest of their lives and he was just going to have to settle himself in the 'best friend' position. It wasn't that bad. Not really. After all, Gwen was his friend too.

But not anymore. Not after this.

Arthur didn't know. He _couldn't _know. This would kill him, Merlin was sure of it. How could he have let this happen? Why didn't he see it coming? When Lancelot returned to Camelot all smiles and charm, he should've known it would end badly. He should've remembered Gwen's attraction to Lancelot when they were younger.

But Merlin hadn't known, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. And now it was too late. Sooner or later, Arthur was going to see the same thing Merlin had just seen.


	2. Merlin's Warning

Standing in front of the sorcerer, apparently oblivious to his presence, were Gwen and Lancelot. Their arms were wrapped around each other, they were joined at the mouth and Gwen was _moaning_. She was making a noise that only Arthur should've been allowed to cause, that only he should've been allowed to hear. Lancelot was touching her in a way that only Arthur should've been allowed to touch her. The image was wrong and yet Merlin could not tear his eyes away. It was burnt into his mind. They had betrayed Arthur, his Arthur, the only one he had ever loved. He'd loved Arthur all along but he had to accept that Arthur belonged to Gwen and now here she was, betraying the only person Merlin truly loved. And for that, she should burn in hell for all eternity.

It was never a good idea to anger a sorcerer, especially not one as powerful as Merlin. His eyes flashed gold and flames leapt up from the ground, causing the adulterant pair to jump apart in shock. They gazed in horror at Merlin who had his hand outstretched before him, controlling the fire into a circle around them.

"Merlin!" cried Gwen, as if he was in the wrong. She saw the danger in his golden eyes and knew he would never forgive her. Lancelot wrapped a protective arm around Gwen's waist which was not favourable in Merlin's eyes.

"How dare you," the sorcerer hissed, the heat of the flames intensifying. Gwen began to cry, calling out Merlin's name and begging him to stop. Finally, something inside Merlin made him cease in his attack. But the danger did not vanish from his eyes.

"Pray that Arthur never finds out. I wont tell him because I know it would kill him, but I will never forgive either of you for this," he growled in a tone he rarely used. It had both Gwen and Lancelot shaking with fear. It was easy to forget how powerful Merlin was, and how ready he was to use his magic to protect Arthur against anyone and everything.


	3. Betrayal

The next day, it seemed like it had all just been a bad dream. Merlin walked through the castle to find Gwen stood in Arthur's embrace this time. The only reminder of the day before was the glint of fear in her eyes as she saw Merlin walk past. He wondered if the guilt would ever become too much for her, and if she would confess her sins to Arthur. For Arthur's sake, Merlin hoped she was stronger than that. It wasn't that Merlin liked lying to his friend, but it was better than watching his heart tear in two.

For a fair few days, Gwen and Lancelot seemed to have remembered their place but Merlin was still refusing to have civil conversation with them. His silence reminded them that he would not hesitate in causing them pain if they hurt Arthur. Unwittingly, the King decided that he wanted Lancelot and Merlin to join himself and Gwen for dinner. Merlin tried to keep his facial expression neutral when Lancelot seated himself next to Gwen. The sorcerer sat defensibly on Arthur's right side and didn't speak to either Lancelot or Gwen unless he was spoken to. Unfortunately, Arthur noticed this strange change in his friend's behaviour.

"What is bothering you, Merlin? You've not been yourself at all this evening," the care in Arthur's voice was not as strong as it had been when they were younger and closer. Merlin was hit by a wave of nostalgia but brushed it all aside with a shake of his head.

"I'm perfectly fine," he replied, smiling at his friend as he said it. He could see the sparks flying between Lancelot and Gwen and knew perfectly well that they were holding hands under the table. He would not lose his temper in front of Arthur, but later they would be in trouble. Arthur patted Merlin on the shoulder and the sorcerer flinched at the touch. He hated lying to Arthur, it hurt. The king looked uncertainly at his friend, and then at the awkward looks on the faces of his wife and his knight.

"What is going on here?" he demanded. "Where is your sense of festivity?"

Then Merlin remembered it was nearly Christmas. He mentally grimaced at the irony of it all. The season of love and goodwill had backfired on him. _Happy Christmas, Arthur, _thought Merlin, sourly. _Your wife kissed your knight under the mistletoe. _

A few hours later, Merlin couldn't take being in the same room as Gwen and Lancelot any longer and excused himself from dinner. He remembered the times he'd loved their company. He remembered the time he'd asked Gwen "Arthur or Lancelot?" and she had insisted it would never happen. Fate was playing a cruel game and someone was going to get hurt. Merlin knew exactly who that someone was.

Being Queen had changed Gwen so much. Merlin remembered when she had Morgana exiled from Camelot because the Seer was going 'mad'. Arthur hadn't argued, he'd trusted Gwen's judgement over Merlin's who tried to persuade Arthur that throwing out Morgana would only anger the druids. Arthur hadn't listened. He never did anymore. He only listened to Gwen and Lancelot, the two people who would bring his world crashing down.

Lying out on the battlements and gazing up at the stars Merlin wished, not for the first time, that Gaius was still here and that he would tell Merlin what was best. They weren't the same people they once were but Merlin would still protect Arthur to the end, no matter what happened.

The secrecy did not last. Just as Merlin knew it wouldn't.

Gwen and Lancelot had been caught again, but this time it wasn't Merlin who caught them. It was Arthur. The king had been looking for his queen, just wanting her opinion on something trivial when he had found her wrapped up in Lancelot's arms in the royal bedchamber. Betrayal tore his heart in two as he stared at them, no words able to escape the confusion of his mind at the sight before him. Merlin had been in the courtyard when he felt Arthur's heart break and was at his master's side in seconds. It was Merlin who shouted the words that Arthur could not. His golden eyes full of anger and danger, Merlin cursed the pair before him.

"You are banished from the lands of Albion, under pain of death," he shouted, knowing Arthur would not want them dead. "If I ever see you again, mark my words I will not hesitate to destroy you as you have destroyed Arthur," Merlin hissed, not loud enough for Arthur to hear as he handed the treacherous pair to the guards.

As Gwen was dragged away, crying and begging, she said she was sorry and that she loved Arthur with all her heart. That earned her a scalding burn on her face from Merlin's fiery gaze. Lancelot protested that it was his fault and Gwen should not be punished but Merlin silenced him with a flash of his golden eyes. Once they had been taken away, Arthur and Merlin were left alone. The king fell to his knees, his heart broken. But when Merlin tried to comfort him, he pushed the sorcerer away and demanded to be left alone. So Merlin left him with tears stinging his eyes. The castle fell silent. No one dared to speak. Arthur lay alone in his chambers and Merlin sat alone in the courtyard, once again gazing up at the sky asking questions of the stars.


	4. I'm Still Here

Merlin felt Arthur's pain as if it was his own. He knew his friend was broken and crying on the floor of his chambers, he knew Arthur hated showing weakness, he knew the king would be angry at himself more than Gwen. No. Guinevere. Merlin couldn't bring himself to think of the treacherous snake as 'Gwen'. Gwen had been a sweet girl who loved to serve her mistress, whose heart was full of kindness and whose body was pure. Gwen was gone. The sorcerer sighed and lay down upon the grass, wishing he could've saved Arthur from heartbreak. Wishing he had never tried to help Lancelot become a knight. Wishing Arthur hadn't pushed him away.

Finally, Merlin retired to his chambers. It had been his destiny to protect Arthur, but he hadn't managed to protect him against heartbreak. His own heart broken, Merlin lay down on his bed and closed his tired eyes. If only he had the power to turn back time. If only Morgana were here, she'd know what to do. She would've seen this coming, she would've saved Arthur where Merlin could not. But thanks to Guinevere, Morgana was gone too.

The creaking of the door opening brought Merlin out of his thoughts and he opened his eyes to see Arthur standing in the doorway. His proud stance was diminished slightly and his eyes were red from crying. Merlin sat up, waiting for his friend to speak. For a moment, Arthur just stood there looking at the sorcerer as if he was seeing him clearly for the first time. As if remembering he was not alone. He didn't have to go through this alone.

"Merlin," he said before his voice broke and the tears slowly began to fall again. Merlin's heart, if possible, was torn into even smaller pieces as he saw his friend cry. He scrambled off the bed and over to Arthur where he did not hesitate to wrap his arms around him.

"It's alright, Arthur. You don't have to do this on your own," Merlin promised, rubbing Arthur's back before pulling away to look into his eyes.

"Can I stay with you? I, I don't want to be alone in… in that room," Arthur whispered. Merlin smiled and lead Arthur over to his bed where they sat together. Merlin got up to summon another mattress when Arthur pulled him back onto the bed with him and lay down.

"I don't want to be alone," he said, in a small, vulnerable voice that didn't belong to him. Merlin lay beside him and wrapped his arms around him comfortingly.

"You're not alone," said Merlin strongly as Arthur pulled him closer as if afraid he was going to disappear. The wizard gently pressed his lips to Arthur's forehead.

"I'm still here."

* * *

Merlin would never abandon Arthur, I'm pretty sure of that. =)

So... review time? Please? *puppy dog eyes* x x


End file.
